Hold that Wall Paper

It was a very hot day, not a day to consider papering the hall, but I had put it off for long enough, well a year or two to be more exact! Wives can get a bit stroppy over decorating, so there comes a time when certain relationships require repairing. The chiding you get! I always have plenty of other things to do, but as my wife says, ‘You are always busy when ever I ask you to do anything.’ Well as any man will know there is busy, and then there’s busy. I’m busy right now on a computer and that is a sure way of creating a bit of marital discord.

But I ask you what‘s wrong with that, computers can cause irritation but there are plenty of other things; fishing, cricket, train spotting, bird watching, stamp collecting, or that old favourite, doing something in the shed! But computers are exclusive, her in doors, as Arthur used to say, is not at all enamoured by them, she doesn’t know what you are up to in your secretive world, Hm!

Any rate be that as it may, I thought it time to mend some bridges, and so set about papering the hall, not before the trauma of choosing the paper. Divorce courts must be full of disharmony caused by the choice of paper, but we have learnt to compromise - provided I like it, she can have it!

So we come to the day in question, she went out to let me get on with it. It was a very hot day and before long I was down to my underpants, pasting and putting paper up on the wall; it would keep peeling off! Events moved fast then, out of my control! Time for a break, I thought, I go into the kitchen and put the kettle on, as I wait for it to boil there is a frantic knocking on the front door. I go and open it and there standing on the doorstep is my next door neighbour, with only a bath towel round her,

‘Help,’ she said, ‘I went to get the milk and the door shut on me!’

Before I could say anything I heard the kettle whistling. ’Come in,’ I said, over my shoulder rushing back to the kitchen, as I turned back there she was holding the wall paper up, the bath towel on the floor. As I bent to lift the bath towel up the door opened and in came my wife!! She didn’t believe me, and neither did the divorce judge. But I have acquired a very handy papering mate, not that I do much of that now!